you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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