Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I touched a dick in church today
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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