Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
