You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
