Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
