Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
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I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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