his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
