sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
