I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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