Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
