All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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