My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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