Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize