Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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