I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
