she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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