need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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