uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I didn't notice because vodka
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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