And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
