But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you win again, gameday.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
