I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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