conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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