RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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