How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
