capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
