There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I touched a dick in church today
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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