there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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