My sheets look like a crime scene.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
