you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
