It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
