you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
