I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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