Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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