Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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