I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
