cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
