I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
