Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
