She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
