Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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