you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
