my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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