I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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