I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
