i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
