I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
