You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
