You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
