If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
