they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
