Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
