Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
