Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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I think I have vodka in my lungs
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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