I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
