i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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