I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
