Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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