remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
