Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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