i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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