his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
