this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
